The End of Summer

I was thinking about summer vacations from my childhood today. I remember I used to have one or two months off in the summer (varied based on the school I went to, and I went to a few). Some summers we visited my grandparents, others I went to summer classes during the day. Funnily enough I remember with great clarity the summers from my childhood; my adolescent summers, not so much. I remember thinking back then on the last day of school that I wanted to do something “useful” that summer. I don’t know if I ever defined “useful”. Obviously I didn’t do much useful back then, else I’d have remembered. I’ve thought about those summers a few times since then and always wished I could get them back again.

Here in San Fran, I don’t know whether we really had a summer. Sure, we had some brilliant days but I wouldn’t know much about them if they came from Monday through Friday. My indicator was the view from my window at work, of the expanse of the Bay, of the flights coming in or going out from the airport a few miles south… and then on really clear days, you could see San Mateo bridge in the distance, the unmistakable lopsided arch the bridge makes. I may sound wistful, but I know for a fact that even on those days I had much rather be at my desk, working, than anywhere else. Adulthood is strange. You want the vacations, but then you don’t want the vacations.

And now, before we know it yet another year is coming to a close. I smell winter in the air. I see more leaves fly from beneath the wheels of my car when I drive out than I did a few weeks ago. The sun comes up later and sets earlier. I love the winter, especially in California where there is no snow to deal with. But suddenly, like the kid back in school at the end of a summer spent lazing in the sun, I feel like I may have missed out – on perfectly good weather, time, conversations, people. I want to wake up in the morning to sunlight streaming through the blinds, sit by the patio with the doors open. I want summer to come back. I want it to be the beginning of September again, the beginning of summer.